Most of us have been through moments in life that have tested us greatly. There was a time when I felt defeat. I felt emptiness, unworthiness…a discomfort so deep I would have crawled out of my own skin if I could. Being the person that I am or rather was…I did everything I could to cover it all up… to push it farrrrrr into the back of my closet, shutting it tightly and praying the door wouldn’t burst from the pressure.
You see, in my mind these things weren’t supposed to happen to me…ME? A high achieving, loving, well put together young woman. Depressed. There was no way I could let the world see me falter. As you and I both know there’s only so much one can bear, only so many times you can bend back and forth, back and forth, back and forth before you break.
The beautiful part is when I finally broke…. when I became vulnerable, when I opened up to those around me and let them know what I was really feeling. I didn’t understand how I allowed myself to reach such a low point and I resented myself for that. I had become a like shell washed up on the beach, decorative on the outside only to flip it over and find no one living inside.
I had actually grown to dislike myself because I harbored so much hurt and anger from things I refused to face. But then little by little…I faced them.
I finally faced me.
The most difficult part about pain is acknowledging that it’s real. It’s so much easier to pretend that it’s not there. We live in a society that shuns emotions and mental health is still surrounded with plenty of stigma, and because of this we improvise. We suffer in silence, doing whatever it takes not to be seen as “weak” while doing our best to smile even though it hurts.
No matter your demons, you must face them at some point.
The reason I wrote this is to express that finding inner peace begins with honesty. Be real with yourself. Take that look in the mirror, deal with things from the past that still haunt you, cry if you need to. After you confront your challenges, MOVE ON. Do not continue to dwell. I promise you it isn’t worth your energy, your sanity or your relationships with other people to remain enthralled in things you can’t change. Forgive others and most importantly forgive yourself.
Understand that you can heal and improve your feelings surrounding those circumstances but you cannot undo or redo the past.
When you have no peace within, it disrupts your energy and disconnects you from your higher self causing you to feel surrounded by darkness. You must keep in mind that you are the light. Moments of darkness are simply the foundation of metamorphosis. You went in as a catepillar but you will emerge as a butterfly. Remember:
Stars need the dark in order to shine.
Be the light.